Category Archives: Emotion

You deserve the memories

I wonder sometimes if we did our wedding wrong.
If we planned it too fast.
If we missed a blessing by semi-eloping.
I didn’t get my father-daughter dance.
Or the husband and wife dance.
I didn’t have a bridal shower.
I wasn’t even the one who chose my wedding gown. (Our mothers did).

But more than just me, I often wonder how it hurt my dad not to have that dance. Or what my mom harbors in her heart against me because of that day.

My sister is getting married next and a few times she asked if they should just elope. Would it be less stressful and easier on everyone. Would it be less stress? Yes. Would it be easier on everyone. Sure, in a way.
But would she one day regret not having the ballroom and the dances, the food and the special friends and family all around? Yes, absolutely.

I hope they have a beautiful wedding and a special day. Marriage isn’t about that one day and a perfect wedding doesn’t mean a perfect marriage but it’s nice to have a beautiful memory. She deserves the wedding of her dreams.

You deserve the memories.

This is the YouTube video that brought out my thoughts today:


Always an afterthought

This blog could really be called “Reasons my Husband sucks most special days”. But it’s not fair to him. My own head goes round and round expecting something great but like always I end up feeling left out of life and left out of his plan. His plan being my husband not my God.

I always get flowers, a quick pick up on the way home from work or out whatever he was doing because he realized he didn’t get me a gift. And my birthday and today, Mother’s Day, I didn’t even get the normal flowers and a breakfast from the local grocery store.

Nope just quick flowers and a sheepish smile saying I love you.

Mother’s Day 2014
I woke up alone
Fed, dressed, and walked out the door with three kids.
Also with an overflowing diaper bag and a box of diapers to return to the store for a different brand.
One trip down the stairs, another up. Then down the stairs again. And, that’s right, back up and down. I leave the kids inside the security door to find the van. It’s close enough I can handle all the kids and the boxes and bags of stuff.
Everyone gets in and it begins to rain.

At the store I walk in, in the pouring rain.. carrying not one but two kids and a box of diapers. Another holding on to the baby carrier. Exchange the diapers and walk back out.

Get to church. Pull out double stroller under the roof. Get all three kids inside the church entrance and then park the car. Walk back in, in the rain.

Have several “brothers and sisters” in Christ watch me struggle to hold open the door and try to push a double stroller in. I quote/unquote brothers and sisters because it baffles me how one can watch an obviously frustrated woman with three small children struggle and keep on walking. But not just one at least TWO or THREE!!!! They’re actions weren’t very brotherly…I’m not calling their faith into question.

Most moms spend their time outside of the service not hearing the preaching because all of our kids are making too much of a noise for certain members of the church. Certain members of the church frown upon even a whimper from children in service.

Guess what, dear husband, left me alone, again today. Leaving me to care for three children and find our way back to the car. I was so emotionally exhausted by then I said I didn’t even know if I was going to the picnic.

I drove back home to get medication for a child, drop off a mother’s day card. I went to the picnic and by the grace of God I didn’t get lost. My husband served and served and served and had a grand time with the church.

I had a hot, emotional, crying, angry time. Even a friend tried to help me see that in the end God has a plan. I’m my husband’s queen and it’s his ministry to serve.

Even if that means I wouldn’t be with the moms of my family for this day or be recognized by my own husband on this day. I wouldn’t have breakfast in bed or even a gift. I’m sorry but I just expect second though flowers now. I put so much thought and effort into everyones gifts and I either get nothing or the usual.

Even for my birthday I went to a pizza buffet just to spend some time with everyone. I hate pizza. I don’t like it. The pizza buffet is probably the grossest place I could probably ever eat. But what happened on my birthday??? I managed the kids and had a plate of pizza while my sister and her friend had a grand old time chatting it up with my dad and husband. No it wasn’t a flirting thing. BUT IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY!!! I throw a party for my husband and daughter for their birthday and I got a nasty pizza buffet I had to plan myself.

God is teaching me a has to be…know you won’t get anything….don’t expect anything…probably not…God is a God of love and promises and I am a bitter woman who prays so hard and is impatient to know what HE has planned.

Happy Mother’s Day. Hope yours was better than mine