The Queen shouldn’t always have to have it covered

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Lead Me – Sanctus Real

“I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying…

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They’re just children from the outside
I’m working hard, I tell myself they’ll be fine
They’re in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying…

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I’m called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won’t You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can’t
Don’t want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I’ll show them I’m willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone

Father, lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone”

Lyrics from azlyrics.com

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Att: Jealousy

Dear Ms. Jealousy,

I’m writing you today to tell you in no uncertain terms your position has be removed from our company effective immediately. You see I let you in by instinct not by qualification and that was truly unfair to Mr. Love, Mrs. Faith, and Miss Hope.

We took your advice, unwittingly, and your attitude has hung like a thick damp cloud in the work place. Dripping your evil intent into the lungs and over the eyes of others.

I nearly fired Rage for her actions until someone pointed out my rage was simply a cause and effect of you. Frankly, I’m quite tired of that tiny seed that you brought in promising something beautiful but instead grows a full fledge Venus fly trap in my soul. Eating all happiness and peace that desires to flutter by.
No more warnings and no more waiting for you to change. Pack your bags and security will be waiting for you outside your office.

Sincerely,
Me

Jealousy is a strong human emotion and according to the Bible it’s a sin. Alistair Begg did a sermon (broadcast in 2 parts part 1 here part 2 here) on jealousy that really opened my mind and understanding.

I am going to admit its so hard to make this post because while I realize my faults, the sadness surrounding what used to make me angry and jealous still lingers. And when I try to give examples I can’t without becoming bitter and angry. Instead I will try to make a list of things I know I have or do get jealous about. No matter how absurd it may seem I want someone who reads this they are not alone.

1. The ocean (not of the ocean but that I have and may not ever get to experience the beach and ocean)
2. Childless couples who spend infinite time together or vacation
3. Thin and healthy men and women
4. My husband (this is a long and complicated story all in itself but he has been to the ocean, has vacations and friends, is thin and healthy, and seems so much more happy in life than me because he has no bad emotions.)

What advice can I give to combat these feelings? Pray, pray, pray! Never stop praying and having a dialog in your mind with your God. And never stop listening for him.

My first post for but second or third day in the Daily Post Writing 101 challenge. As always thank you for reading and I hope I was able to move or help you in some way.

Updated for autocorrected typos

Making a new start

I feel really gross after this weekend. Not gross look at this disgusting body. But gross I feel my blood pressure is up from drinking less water and eating out all 6 meals that I ate since Friday night!

I feel pressure from my family (not my husband or kids) to pay hundreds of dollars to join a fitness center and take classes. But I’m not ready for that. I’m ready to change and I want to be a testament of God’s grace and love in my change. I am also not ready to flap my 243 lb body around with a group of other sweaty people in a fitness center. Whether they are or not, I will feel as of all eyes are on me.

Instead of buying a 600 dollar a year gym or fitness center I chose the at home method. I want to encourage my kids to be active and wanted something fun my oldest could learn with me. That meant belly dance and Tracey Anderson Method are out until I can wake up early enough to do it without her. I wasn’t to pleased to see a 3 year old swaying her hips in a belly dance way. I also bought a ballet bar second hand (the kind from an infomercial – the name escapes me). But I don’t want her hanging all over it.

Instead I have chosen to go towards the Leslie Sansone Walk at Home route and Shaun T Rockin Body. I hear he is really cheesey but that’s okay. A while back I learned of a friend’s tween daughter who lost 40 or 50 lbs by using his Hip Hop Abs series so when I happened upon RB on sale for less than $30 with tax and shipping I got it.

I will take some before and after pictures once we do the first 90 days but I am unsure when or if I will post them.

I am on a mission to change my family’s health and I know pictures encourage so I will keep that in mind and link any posts in the future that have progress pictures on our health journey.